


Bugs' Vacation

by KonaRaque



Category: Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies
Genre: Dark, Dark Comedy, Funny, Looney Tunes - Freeform, Serious, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 19:19:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1316287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KonaRaque/pseuds/KonaRaque
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bugs Bunny is taking a vacation when things go wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bugs' Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> This work is meant to be dark and funny.

"I been workin' on the railroad, all the live long day."

Bugs sings while he digs a tunnel through the ground. He has been travelling for the past two weeks trying to get to his vacation spot in Venice Beach, California. He decides to see how close he is getting because he has not checked in a few hours. He digs up and sticks his head out of his hole.

"A forest. I should be close to desert by now. I haven't even made it to Albuquerque. I need to get directions."

He spots a subdivision and decides that someone there has to have a map. On the way to a nice little blue house with gold trim, he feels that there is something familiar about the car in the driveway. In fact, this cul-de-sac seems to have quite a few familiar vehicles. "Oh well." he thinks to himself. "I need to figure out where I am and I'm sure it's just déjà vu."

*****

A short man sits in his favorite chair. He smiles as he looks at his family photos. His beautiful wife, his two sons, and his daughter all surround him at the Grand Canyon, the Empire State Building, and Big Ben in London. As he swirls his neat scotch, a single tear falls into his glass. His face covered in stubble and his eyes atop dark bags, he watches the television with only a vague interest as a reporter talks about some tragedy that befell an old woman living alone with a cat and a canary.

A knock at the door pulls him from his stupor. His face lights up for an instant before he realizes that there is no chance that his family would be at the door. He slowly walks over to the computer desk and looks at his security camera on the front porch.

"No. It can't be him."

He rubs his tear stained cheeks and blinks his eyes a few times to make this hallucination go away. When it doesn't, a small grin spreads across his face.

*****

Bugs knocks on the first door he comes to. He looks around the neighborhood to try to figure out why it feels like he knows this place. Not the place, just the vehicles. They all seem to be familiar.

_I know a plethora of people. I probably know these people from some event I performed at or people I gave autographs to._

A minute passes and no one has answered the door. Just as Bugs decides to knock a second time, he notices a doorbell. He decides to ring it because a knock may not be heard if the resident is in the shower or in the backyard. The bell rings and a loud clang rings out behind him.

"Welcome to my house, Bugs. I am sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you, but I cannot let you leave too quickly. "

Bugs' heart falls into his stomach. As the terror begins to build, he hears the door behind him open. There are bars between him and his captor, bars behind him, and bars surrounding the porch. The smile on the man's face grows to show his neglected teeth. Elmer Fudd has changed since Bugs saw him last. His pot belly has turned into a six pack, his face is no longer clean shaven as it once was, and he has muscles on his arms.

"How's it going, old pal?" Bugs asks as he gulps and slowly backs away from the hunter. "I haven't seen you in how long?"

"It's been ten years, Bugs."

_Elmer sounds so calm. His speech impediment is gone too. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe he has learned to forgive and this is a big joke in poor taste._ "Really? It feels like much less."

"To me, it has been an eternity. I think about you every day. You were my motivation for behaving in prison. You were my motivation for working on my life. I am doing well by the way. You will notice that your cage is made of tungsten. I built this cage myself, and not out of ACME crap either. You couldn't get out if you tried for years, but you won't have to wait that long."

"Elmer, this is not funny pal. Let me outta here, please."

"PLEASE!?"

Bugs had never heard Elmer angry like this. He jumps back so fast he hits a wall of his cage. The wall bites into him and he turns to stare at it as he grabs the cut that is bound to have formed on his back. _This cage isn't made of bars. These are saw blades. What kind of sick bastard makes a cage out of saw blades._

"Do you like my design? I made it special for you. It is designed to cause at least as much pain as you caused me."

"Can't we talk about this?"

"We are talking. This is us talking. Reminiscing about old times. Hey do you remember the time you plugged all of my hunting rifle barrels. Do you remember that? Do you remember how you got me sick and pretended to take care of your old pal Elmer and plugged up all of my gun barrels for a joke? Do you remember that?!"

"I said I was sorry about what happened. What else did you want me to do?"

"I WANTED YOU TO SUFFER FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY FAMILY!"

Bugs is terrified already, but the yelling is making him more afraid than he had thought possible. He needs to get out of here now. That's when he notices the wooden porch. _I bet I could kick that loose board in the corner out. I just need to move there slowly._

"How was I supposed to know that you wouldn't go hunting with them that weekend? I thought it would just be a funny joke. I thought you would get a blast of gunpowder in the face and that would be the end of it."

"Am I supposed to be comforted that you killed my family because you thought it would be a funny joke? Am I supposed to forgive you for killing them and getting me sent to prison for negligence? Am I? I think I will spend the rest of my life happier knowing that I am going to stop a psychopathic rabbit from ever hurting anyone else."

"This is murder." _Just a few more feet and I'm free._ "You will go back to prison for the rest of your life." Almost there. "Can you spend the rest of your life back in prison?"

"Even if I were to go back to prison, it would be okay. I got my three square meals a day. I got to work out every day. They put me in a program to fix my speech problem. I had friends there. My friends out here visited me every week. I had a support structure to get out as soon as possible. But I don't have to worry about it. You know why?"

"Why?" _Got it. I just need a swift kick._

"You're a rabbit. I checked the law. I asked several judges. This is the most lenient state on killing animals, and they will at most say that it was cruel to put you in this cage. But, since I put the exact amount of money required to pay that fine in this county in a bank account the day I made my first million, I don't have to worry about it."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I am getting out of here now!"

With one good jump, Bugs slams his feet down right where the wood looked weakest. The wood shattered into splinters and Bugs felt the satisfaction of freedom.

*****

Elmer smiles as Bugs jumps into the blades. I had hoped to see fear, I had hoped he would run right at them to squeeze through. I had not thought he would jump in terror when I yelled at him. This is the best day of my life. Then his thoughts go to his wedding day, to his kids' birthdays. His anger grows.

Elmer sees Bugs look around the porch.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I am getting out of here now!"

Elmer watches as Bugs jumps straight up and tucks his knees to his chest. He watches as Bugs slams his feet down on the wooden floor. He watches as Bugs smiles and looks him straight in the eye. He watches Bugs disappears into the hole he kicked in Elmer's porch. The porch that was built atop a lattice of razor sharp blades.

Elmer smiles as he closed the door to his house. He walks back into his living room and toasts his family picture as he finishes his drink.


End file.
